Mom Was Right, Again...

Of course she was right.  My mother, I mean.  It seems the older I get the more I say that.  Oh, there were significant personality differences that made life together difficult at times. But I know now that the love did surpass any difference we had.  I miss her.  I wish she were here to enjoy watching the light bulb come on for me in my parenting and grand-parenting life lessons.  I know she has some hardy laughs while watching me from heaven as I navigate life.

For instance, I remember some conversations with her as a teen when I was struggling with peers. To be honest, I had some of  'those friends' she really didn't like me to hang around.  She would always try to make me see that true friends treat you a certain way while people who are not your friends may say they are but their actions speak differently.  I have had the same talk with my 20 somethings and I actually think I heard her in the room.

She also used to tell me that if I would spend the time it took to get out of doing this task or that and get on with doing the task, I'd have a lot more time to do the things I want to do.  I can't tell you how many times I have told my kids that.  Again, she's in my head!

Now, to compound the issue, I think I have developed some of her characteristics that used to make me cringe.  She was a lady who stood up for what she wanted.  She thought nothing of voicing her opinion when she thought something was wrong.  There was no such thing as keeping it down low... she said what she thought.  I have to admit, I am in filter training.  It's just something I will have to do the rest of my life.  I've seen my own kids squirm uncomfortably when I have voiced my opinion.  At that very second, I knew... I had become my mom.

Well, I can only hope that I honor her by picking up some of her strength and using it as best as I can.  Being like her got me through college at age 42.  She was right about doing what's right, even though it might be hard to do.  She was right about hard work paying off in the end.  And all that unsolicited advice about men?  Yes, that turned out to be right, too.  She certainly would have loved Mark.

The 17th anniversary of Mom's death is coming up in March.  I've missed her for 17 years...every day.  Kayla doesn't know it yet but she's going to become me (to some extent), too.  Everyone should pray for Addie.... She's going to become some version of both of us!  I just hope I am giving them some great characteristics to become.  And that when that day comes that they realize they did become their mom (or Mimi) I hope they get the same smile in their heart that I have when remembering Oleta Bailey Johnson.

I miss you Mom!